Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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