I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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