you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
