You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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