It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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