I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do vagina's smell?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
