feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
