btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
