Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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