he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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