New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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