okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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