he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
