found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
