if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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