I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize