i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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