Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
