i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
