It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
