you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
