Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize