i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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