RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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