I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
