i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize