I wish i was in the wii world.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
