I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
