At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize