im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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