It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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