I'm lost and stupid without you.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
this is an emotional support booty call
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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