I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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