I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
