Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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