that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
