he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
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My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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