We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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