Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
