Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
