Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
