Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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