Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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