OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
