you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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