Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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