Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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