As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
