She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
