Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
