Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
