She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
