THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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