The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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