you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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