i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
