theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
