I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
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did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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