he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
