I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
